


An Act of Contrition

by TriplePirouette



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2262195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriplePirouette/pseuds/TriplePirouette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After “Queen of Hearts” Rum goes to keep a promise to Belle by telling her the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Act of Contrition

**Author's Note:**

> What I felt was a missing scene from Queen of Hearts, happens post-ep. Rumbelle  
> Thanks a MILLION to my lovely beta K.L. Hufflepuff, who makes my work infinitely better, and to the lovely ddagent, who must read everything before I post it or I go into fits.

He almost turned away, almost left and didn’t come back, but he was trying to be a better person, and knew that he had to start keeping promises.

Even if they hurt.

The sunlight streamed into the tiny vestibule from the outer door’s windows. It was bare and clean, but the tint of the glass made it seem warm and welcoming. He took a deep breath and slipped his hand around the door knob, lifted his cane and used the handle to knock softly on the door to Belle’s small apartment. He was glad for the little entry way, it kept him hidden from the streets of Storybrooke. It kept his eyes from the happy family that the Charmings made and the sad, broken figure of Regina.

It made him feel warm and safe, yet still provided a barrier between him and Belle.

He heard the lock click open, but he held the knob fast. “Belle, don’t- don’t open the door.”

“Why not?” Her voice was muffled, he could picture her looking at him through the peep hole: blue eyes worried and lip between her teeth as she rose on tip toe. He turned his head down. He didn’t want her to see him.

“I came to…” He sighed, letting his hand fall from the knob only to catch himself as he leaned his weight on the door frame. “I came to tell you what I did today. To confess, really.”

He’s afraid she’s left already, it takes so long for her to answer him. “You need to confess to me?” Her voice was soft and nervous, almost scared.

“I told you that I’d stop keeping secrets and what I did…” He leans the rest of his body weight against the door jamb in the dim light, glad for the barrier of the wall between them. “I fear you won’t want to see me after this.”

This time her voice is strong. “I’ll decide that, then, thank you very much.”

Gold nearly laughs, but lets only a small, broken smile grace his lips. “I know you will, sweetheart.”

He hears shuffling, then her voice comes from knee height: she must have sat on the ground. “So, then, this is about Charming and Henry, I assume? Last you told me, Charming was still cursed and Henry wouldn’t leave his side.”

Gold slowly let himself slide down the door jamb, slipping his legs straight out in front of him. The trek into the forest had been long and frustrating, and had done nothing for the ache in his knee that the coming winter provided. He rubbed it gently as he spoke, “Yes, and that’s where the problem lies.”

He heard the soft click of the knob’s latch bouncing in it’s groove and imagined Belle leaning against the door. “Tell me, Rum,” she cooed softly.

This was why he’d come. He knew that she’d likely never want to see him again, but that voice, that acceptance was why he was here. He needed that, if only for a moment. He needed someone who didn’t look at him and judge him right away. He took a deep breath, the scent of old books filling his nostrils, as he looked around him. Her coat hung across from him, a pair of sneakers sitting beneath it perfectly parallel to one another. He was near her, amongst her things, and it poured a sense of contentment through him, if only for a moment.

“We couldn’t know for sure if the message got through, not with Charming still cursed.” He sighed. “I’ve never been much of an optimist, Belle.” He shook his head, wondering how to get the words out without lying, without trying to make himself feel better. The truth always tasted sour and sideways on his lips.

“I didn’t think there was any way that Emma and Snow would defeat Cora. She is… She was a student of mine, and if I hadn’t held back, she probably would have surpassed me in power, Belle. Her heart… her heart is crueler than mine, she’s dark inside even without a curse.” His eyes unfocused as he stared at the wall across from him where Belle’s scarf hung, thinking of the days long ago when he’d been training her, when he’d decided that some secrets of magic she should never know. Her tenacity, her propensity for cruelty, surprised even the darkness in him.

Belle’s voice was soft, unsullied by judgment, and it relaxed his shoulders just a bit. “You were afraid of her?”

He laughed, just a bit. “I was afraid of the potential within her. My curse… I knew that I’d hurt people, and would continue to do so, but there was at least some thought to the collateral damage, some thought to children and the future. Cora… Cora had no such code of ethics. Whatever got in her way was simply… demolished. I feared for everyone else if she got too powerful, I feared for the entire realm if there was no one that could defeat her.”

He heard Belle shift against the wood, her voice careful when it floated out to him. “Alright then. Go on.”

“I convinced Regina to help me cast a spell on the place where the portal would open, at the well. It would…” He took a deep breath, knowing this would be the turning point, “It would kill any who came through.”

“Even Emma and Mary Margaret?” Belle’s voice was purposefully flat when she asked.

He nodded, but remembered she couldn’t see him. “Even Emma and Mary Margaret.” He turned, facing the crack in the door where only light spilled out. “Belle, I wish you to never know this woman, but if you did… The atrocity she’s caused and the things she did to her own daughter…”

Belle cleared her through, her voice strong and calm. “The things you did to her own daughter, Rum.”

His head drooped, the darkness and the coward within him fighting as he admitted his guilt. “Yes. Yes, I goaded her, I shaped her, I cajoled her. That is… that is my sin.” He put a hand on the wood. “But Belle, that woman hurt her, abused her in ways I don’t ever want you to understand. For her to be here, it would mean the end of everything Regina held dear, the end of you, the end of it all.”

Her voice drifts out from beneath the door, small and quiet. “But… but didn’t you say you were more powerful than her?”

He smiled a bit. “I am.” He tried to sound strong, but he knew it came out wrong. “But the magic doesn’t work quite the same here, it’s more unpredictable. Defeating her would not be simple, or easy. In fact, I believed… I believed that there was not a way that Cora would have been defeated by Emma and Snow. I thought that if Cora came through, we’d all lose what we loved most.”

Belle moved closer to the door, he could tell by the warm, low sound in her voice that he could hear now. “So, what happened?”

“Henry came.” Gold dropped his head against the door, his fingers digging into the pristine welcome mat that lay beside his hip. “Henry came and convinced Regina to take the spell off the well. He believed in his mother and grandmother. I thought that Regina was crazy to be so foolish.”

He shut his eyes tight, remembering the panic that had risen up within him at that moment. They were unprotected, and even with a fairy wand in hand, the magic had already been used up. It was useless, as they were, when Cora would come slipping from the well. Yet, he’d seen the desperation in her eyes, too, the need to prove to Henry that she’d changed. He understood that feeling all too well.

“Who came out of the well, Rum?” Belle didn’t really need to ask, he could tell by the timber in her voice that she already knew the answer.

“If she hadn’t changed her mind, I would have killed Emma and Mary Margaret. I would have taken that boy’s family from him: mother, grandmother, and grandfather, all in one swoop.” It was a whisper, low and sorry. “Not for one second did I trust in Emma or Snow, when for so long they were the only thing I’d ever bet on.”

Belle was quiet for a long moment, but her shadow beneath the door stayed put when he was sure she’d leave at any second. “What happened next?”

He dropped his head back against the wall, watching the setting sun come through the outer door’s small window. “Just what you’d expect. Snow kissed Charming, there were happy hugs all around. Henry acknowledged Regina’s actions, but went off with his mother and grandmother. They’re more broken than they’d like to think, the Charmings, but they do put on quite a show.”

“And why do you think I wouldn’t want to see you?” Her voice was still heavy, but confused and he could just see the little wrinkle in her forehead if he closed his eyes.

He sighed. “Belle, I almost killed those women. If it hadn’t been for Regina…”

Belle laughed lightly, an unexpected turn. “Yes, if it hadn’t been for Regina. That’s why you brought her, wasn’t it?”

His frown deepened as she continued to laugh. “I- I don’t understand.”

“If Regina had taken off the spell and Cora had come out-” Belle’s words were leading and soft.

“It would have been her fault.” He finished it without thinking, without even listening to his own words.

It was like she was chastising a child, and it sent shivers down his spine. He wanted to yell, to hit something,t o make her understand his pain and frustration. He wanted to quip back and cackle at her even as she laughed and still trying to worm her way into his mind about why he’d done the things he’d done. He fought back the dark impulse and searched for what else he felt and found confusion. She should be crying, screaming, telling him never to see her again… but she wasn’t. Her voice was still soft and warm. “You knew what she would do the entire time, didn’t you?”

“No, I-” He stopped and thought, let it wash over him as the anger ebbed away. “It was stupid, what she did, and she only did it because Henry showed up.”

“You were betting on that too, weren’t you? Somewhere deep inside?” Belle sighed, pulling open the door just a crack and reaching out for his hand. “You’re still a man who makes wrong choices.” She twined their fingers together. “Maybe you knew she’d do it, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you were banking on being able to blame her when Cora came through, maybe it was just a little piece of your brain doing some extra thinking for you. But you were there and so was she. In your own twisted way, you were trying to protect me and your son. To protect everyone. You could have charmed the well then left, but you didn’t. You stayed there and waited, because if Cora got through…”

He set his jaw, thinking of all the carnage he’d imagined, the spells he’d planned to use. “If Cora got through we were going to be there to stop her.”

Belle smiled softly at him through the crack in the door. “Your heart was in the right place…”

“Intent is meaningless, Belle, when people get hurt and families are broken apart.” He spat the words out, trying to pull his hand from hers.

“No,” she shook her head, letting the door swing open wider as she grasped his fingers tight. “Intent has meaning, even when the actions are the wrong ones. That’s how you learn.”

He lifted their twined hands, looking in awe at the way her fingers laced between his. “You’re holding the hand of a man who might have killed two innocent women today.”

Belle snuggled closer. “I’m holding the hand of a man who would do anything to protect the ones he loves. That man may be clueless when it comes to the how, but he’s trying, and he’ll learn.”

He laughed softly, a smile gracing his lips for the first time in days. “Not many call the Dark One clueless and live to tell the tale.”

Belle reached out and held his hand tightly between both of hers. “I’ve never been much for doing what others did. Perhaps I’ll be different and live.”

This caused a genuine smile to flit over his face. “Living. Belle… you being alive…”

She reached a finger over and pressed it against his lips. “I don’t have it in me to talk about that tonight.” Her hand drifted down to his chest. “Do you want to sit here for a while more or come inside? Ruby let me borrow this thing called a diva-de and its player. She said I need to watch what’s on it- it’s like a book come to life. Like a play, but better. I’ve only ever seen one play, but I can’t image anything being better.”

He reached up, pressing a stray curl behind her ear. He couldn’t help but feel a little lighter at her enthusiasm. “That sounds lovely.” He let his hand drift down, cupping her jaw. “Belle… truly… how can you?”

She smiled, rubbing her cheek into his palm. “Oh, you silly, silly man. I’ve only ever wanted you to be better for you, because I see the goodness in your soul. All I’ve ever wanted for me, from you, was the truth.” She kissed his palm.

He looked at her with heavy lidded, unbelieving eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”

Belle stood, pulling him up with a smile. “And plenty of people might agree with you, but I’m not one of them. You’ve got me anyway.” He watched her close the door, staring at it as the latch slid home and long past when she left it to start up the DVD player.

Being a better man might not be so hard with someone who understood him so well in his corner. It was an unusual feeling for him, being understood, but he thought that perhaps he might like it.


End file.
